This is Me Typing: Part 3

Why HELLO there, internet friend.

It’s been a little bit since our last little rendezvous. It was an entirely different year at the time. I’ve missed you. I hope you’ve felt the same.

  • There there there, dear one. Don’t fret. We’re together again. Everything is okay.

My last post (This is Me Typing: Part 2) was a bit lengthy, so I’m not mad at you if you didn’t read all of it.

  • (just kidding I’m a little hurt but I’ll never admit that outside of parentheses)

ANYWAY how the heck have you BEEN? Have you grown? Have you changed? Have you kept up with your 2018 resolutions?

  • I’m having a little trouble keeping up with my own resolutions, if I’m being completely honest here.
    • lol are you surprised? Likely not.
      • Thanks a bunch for accepting me for who I am – despite all of the mayhem I embody as a human being. I really like you. You can stay.

My first resolution was to not let myself avoid interacting with you via this WordPress blog. Clearly that has worked out splendidly. (I hope my sarcasm is implicit. I’m aware that I am indeed the worst).

  • I started writing this blog post on the very last day of January, because I decided that it was absolutely necessary to get this post out into the universe ASAP …
    • … because I had in my mind that once the first month of 2018 was over, I would have had to wait until 2019 to try the whole “new year new me” thing again. That’s how it works, right? Ya. Indubitably.
      • … welp
        • It is now February and here we are.
      • Ughhhhh I will be better for you. Don’t give up on me.

My second resolution was to read one book at a time.

  • hahahahhahahahahha
    • I’m currently reading like 6 books. I can’t be tamed.

So as you can see, I’ve been dropping the ball a bit too frequently when it’s come to holding myself accountable to be productive in the ways I want the 2018 version of myself to be.

Don’t get me wrong, though. There are actually a few goals I set for myself in the beginning of January that I’ve managed to bring into fruition.

  • First and foremost, I published a BOOK. Yeah das right. Ya girl is officially an ~ author ~
      • That is such a fun sentence to type. I wrote some words, and now Amazon is selling them for dollars.
        • I think that might be my favorite way to earn dollars literally ever. I’m all tingly right now and I don’t know what to do with my hands.
    • The title of my book is “Not to Be and Be or Be” – ’tis a teeny tiny book of poetry.
      • There’s a fun fact if you didn’t already know it – I write a lot of poetry. I sometimes post them on my Instagram…so I guess hypothetically, I could justifiably write “poetess” in my twitter bio – but ugh I don’t knoooooow man.
          • I feel like that label sounds so… what’s the word I’m looking for? I’m not sure if there is a word.
            • All I know is that I have this picture of a “poetess” in my head – she wears fancy pashmina scarves and sips tea all day on an elevated surface while judging people for fun. That’s just me being over-thinky though. If you’ve typed that label in your own bio, don’t let my remarks dull your sparkle. Keep doin’ your thang, friend. Ignore me. I’m just rambling. I’m so annoying, ikr. I wish I owned a fancy pashmina, tbh. Maybe subconsciously I just don’t think I’m worthy of one yet and therefore I’m being judgmental as a defense mechanism. idk. I’m sorry. I love you.
    • Anyway, in summary I think you should go purchase my book because I’d like to purchase groceries this week.
      • (lol just kidding)
        • (lol just kidding about kidding)
          • (wtf is going on)

Idk.

So yeah.

This has been great. I’m glad we had the chance to have this talk. Your support means everything to me. I’m going to change for you. I keep saying that. I’m going to start meaning it. Do you trust me? I don’t. That’s why I need you. I can vicariously trust myself via you.

  • lol thanks for existing.

I think my issue with consistency stems from my need to allow potential content to brew inside my noggin for a bit before I feel like I can externalize it. It’s like the same logic with fine wine – the longer you let it sit in the bottle, the better the taste. That makes sense, right? Pre-typing rumination is to writing as post-fermentation aging is to dying grapes.

I definitely think that might have made sense.

  • haaaaa I don’t think I care if it didn’t.
    • I know you understand the analogy I’m trying to articulate. You’re smart and I appreciate you.

I’m sending you a virtual high-five right now.

  • You know what? Actually no. I think this moment calls for something even more intimate than just a mere high-five.
    • I know what you’re thinking. What could POSSIBLY be more affectionate than a high-five? This is some serious sentiment I’m throwin’ to you right now. You ready? 

I think we’re in need of firm and friendly dap-up.

Confused? Allow me to provide you with a brief synopsis of the processes behind this so-called “dapping-up” thing:

Many moons ago, my elder brother taught me a secret. He explained to me that there’s a universal greeting mechanism, subconsciously known amongst the majority of primarily the male species, that if maneuvered carefully in a seemingly effortless manner, can create perceptions of bro-hood and mutual respect between the active greeters.

Tell me more, I remember telling my brother. I was eager to learn the complexities of, what seemed to be, some sort of non-verbal password exchanged amongst my brother’s friends and other male counterparts.

This greeting, he told me, can be viewed as slightly more meaningful than a simple firm handshake, but a great deal less affectionate than a manly hug.

To put things simply, the universal greeting occurs as follows:

  • Two people notice each other, make eye contact, and mentally sign the non verbal contract to acknowledge each other’s existence.
  • One partner gives the first verbal cue (ie. “suh dude,” “what’s good my man,” etc), while simultaneously stretching his right arm out and curving it inward, like he’s hugging an invisible barrel with one half of his body.
  • As the initiating partner’s curved arm reaches out toward its recipient like a crooked, mid ranged high five, the latter partner comes forward with his arm (similarly curved around his own invisible barrel)
  • As the two hands meet each other, a clapping sound is expected (but not guaranteed, depending on executions of technique in the previous steps on both greeters’ parts)
  • After the sideways hand collides with the other, its fingertips slide down their opposing palm until meeting at the other hand’s knuckles, where a pressure is then exerted to quickly form a grip with the other hand.

The mechanism takes form; takes practice; takes chill. Those who falter on the form, or fail to dap fellow bros up often enough, simply have no chill.

I think you and I together have accumulated a significant amount of chill, bro.

Heckin’ yeah. We rock. On a quick side-note in relation to the above information, though, I’d like to make a motion to encourage connotative gender-neutrality of the word “bro.”

  • A relationship between two alleged bros (a “bro-lationship,” if you will) is a specific breed of friendship that’s equipped with a plethora of perks for the involved persons.
    • A beneficiary of said perks should not strictly be expected to contain a Y chromosome.
      • Feminism, amiright?
  • This particular rant right now is reminding me of a hypothetical article I wrote in my head one time in reaction to gender bias surrounding the concept of bro-hood: An Open Letter to the Dude Who Refused to Dap Me Up.
  • I have so many thoughts. I’m not going to delve into that vault of word vomit in this blog post though, because I honestly feel like it would never end, and then you’d stop reading, and then I’d be sad.
      • … plz never let me go
        • Why is this starting to feel Titanic-y? Is it just me?
          • nvm

Okay let’s wrap this up, shall we?

I’ve ranted at you enough. I hope my words have held onto your eyeballs long enough for you to scroll all the way down to here.

If you’re reading this right now, I want you to know that you are a dang shining star and I hope all of your sparkly dreams come true.

🙂

I’m gonna stop typing now.

Until we meet again, bro.

In the mean time, since it’s almost Valentine’s Day, you should definitely use my Odyssey article from last year, “A Romantic Valentine’s Day With Me And Myself” to help you mentally prepare.

(luv u the most)

– Kira

©Words4Food

(PS – AGAIN PLZ GO BUY MY BOOK ON AMAZON – Not To Be and Be or Be)

 

 

 

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